florence

so i have been traveling for the last week or so and have been some places. went to rome it was dirty. went to venice it smelled bad. then i landed on a little place called florence and booyah. this place is amazing. barring the fact that in its' history it has porbably housed the best artist ever, it is an beautiful city. i had one of the best meals i've ever had a place called cibreo(go there), i saw where all the ninja turtles are buried, and then i saw the david. i had actually seen this 10 years ago but apparently was too cool to understand how ridonculous it is. michelangelo must have been a dick because he basically said, "oh you do sculpture well check this out. and in my free time i'll paint and build churches." also the duomo(i don't like jesus and really don't like churches) but it is the most metal thing ever. giotto was in metal church i think. fun fact he was also 4 feet tall and supposedly hunchback. in everyone's face.

art sucks now

p.s. if you know what harry's bar is in venice don't go there. unless you enjoy being treated like garbage and being overcharged for steamtable food. ooooo i said it what.

hey ya

christmas in europe is sweet. we had a lovely roast of jesus loin for dinner. catholics are wierd.

church

are you serious?

so this is a shoutout to all my peeps in the chez fonfon kitchen. this dude i work with asked me if nellyville was an actual place. i told him my heart absolutely.

to my heathans

this is what i think about

two points. i am from alabama. and there we love football and hate faggots(the royal we). that being said the two most popular things are nascar and jesus. so why are people obsessed with a bunch of dudes running around an anus like circle trying to grab the pole. also why i am always being told to get some jesus in me. if god is decreeing all this gays be damned then why would his illegitamate child be wanting to bang me so bad. i am confused. so now i bang dudes while going one hundred miles per hour in cars. fast butt sex is boss.

ya dig

p.s. i'm vegetarian now only eat beans - weezy f. baby greatest rapper alive since the greatest rapper retired

history

so stop all this new confounded history update bullmess. i've got the facts right here. nevermind there is absolute proof that the vikings were in the americas in the 1200s; don't worry about the chinese finding info destroyed in the maoist revolution that they were there in 1421(when the traversed the whole world in your face magellan!); the truth is old christabelle colombus is still the man. ask anyone in italy. since they won the world cup and subsequently have the most imporaant defunct empire to date that means that are technically the shit. the also invented sliced bread and breathing, booyah. it is science dude and even god can't argue with that. fact is so last millenia. this age is about propaghanda. so with that in mind punch a gay in that face, hate everyone that doesn't agree with you, and don't worry about global warming becasue the rapture is close(this generation of hotbox pulpits has got it figured out). the only sad fact about that is old jerry "jesus hell-yeah" fallwell doesn't get his armageddon merit badge he already died; pussy. remember this if you're hands are full with work, life, bills, depression, and a gun in your mouth put that crap down. as the great method man said "hands are for holding forties and blunts son." and with the great do what you want as long as you feel bad about it chrstian loophole we can all live that idealogy and still go to heaven. yay! jesus is the bees' knees.

kill everyone-god is down with that

complaint

so apparently yesterday was world aids day. i have a little complaint to lodge with the promoters of that whole mess. maybe you guys should be a little more specific like world against aids day; because i definately went out and got aids. thanks assholes.

dude

i would like to retract my suggestion to hug someone. that is gay. actually punch someone then apologize profusely to get your point accross. wait is that a bad idea. dude i don't even know what day it is.

if you tired be quiet and go to sleep

p.s. go to youtube type in 'interpol alcatraz', i was totally at that show; facial.

rap music

so i went to a cd store here the other day. firstly i was impressed by thier vast metal section. however while i was waiting to check out i started thumbing through a magazine called 'hip hop'. on the cover was a big story about how 50 cent and lil wayne aer beefing. now any of you who know me and have seen my left forearm know i'm cash money till i die; but the quote from lil wayne was ridiculous. it said ' i'm from new orleans, and we kill for real.' 50 was saying something about how he was gonna break waynes neck. thought this is hilarious it raised some doubt in my head. where does this attitude come from. i mean originally mcs talked about violence to paint a picture of the problems in the ghetto. that intelligence has disentegrated to all mainstream rap talking about how they kill and sell crack. it's like they all signed up for the ronald reagan meal plan to make cash not knowing this is exactly what rich white america wanted. on top of that this attitude runs deeper. to me it is part of a global lose of humility. its the big dick complex. the i've got to be better, and have , more money, more stuff, and more power than everyone else. lil wayne and 50 cent is piss in the pot. however when world leaders exercise this mentality(where do you think poverty level folks learn it) people die. i'm not just talking about iraq, but roughly every war ever. ever since sargon decided to conquest and make an empire we have all been fucked. badically there is this big global push to make everything better. however, this won't happen until everyone gets over themselves. this is from bush trying to get oil and avenge his dad to the assholes who brawl in a bar over spilled beer, it's stupid. it's cyclical(as is everything) but somone has to break that cycle. so in an upcoming election year keep that in mind. if you think hillary clinton is going to change anything you're blind. she doesn't really even want to pull all troops out of the middleast. and right now we're building up to another showdown with russia. basically i0m not scared to die in a nuclear holocaust. i just don't want to have to live through world war 3 beacuse a bunch of rich assholes couldn't get their shit together. it goes like this einstien said it best, ' i do not know what the third world war will be fought with, but the fourth world war will be fought with sticks and stones.'

hug someone, and stop fighting it's stupid.

impressed

so this one is for folks who work in restaurants. most of you, i will assume, have seen when a person treats a champagne bottle like marie antoinette and slices the top off with a sword. impressive no? well i saw that one uped in abar last night. we went to get a beer for this dudes' birthday and the bartender, who was his friend, brought over a couple of bubbly. this dude picks one up, finds the seam, and then; i shit you not; with a crumber decapatates the sumbitch. i didn't really believe at first but then he did it agiain. it was neat. if you are a waiter you should learn this trick(it is all in the wrist). if when i return to the states someone can recreate this i will give them a high five. booyah

cash money motto make ya drank till ya throw up

yeeha

HAPPY THANKS... oh wait they don't have that here. well bang that then.

peace

go america

so this weekend we got a new guy in the kitchen. true story. he is japanese. so now i work with a bunch of italians, a german, and a japanese. i feel like i am in a bad world war 2 joke. at the same time i take solice in the fact if a all restaurant employee brawl were to break out i would most likely win. noe because of my kunf fu like quickness, or overwhelming strength thanks to my well sculpted guns. it would be because of my all supiour american badassness.

hell yeah(these colors only run when to get in shape bitch)

p.s. the brawl in question would have to take place in circa 1948 for the badassness to apply.
sorry.

uh

so i went to milan last night and watched blonde redhead and interpol. it was pretty much amazing. yeah that's about it. oh...if you though hipsters are bad in your town you should itaian skeezbag hipster gene splicing. there were so many cool people there the smooz was all over the floor. it was really slippery.

holla back youngin woo woo

counterpoint

so i talked earlier about the newest american trend taking over the world...school shootings. and all the dudes i work with harped on and on about that only happened in america. UN! last week some poor dumb bastard wet up some other poor dumb bastards in, in, come on guess... yeah, yeah switzerland. what? yes the home of neutrality. no this dude didn't throw swiss army knives he came out blazing. and in true american fashion he posted a video on you tube before he did it. hopefully, since all of our trends are branching out to the world i can soon have 'family values' being crammed down my throat in italian. then they'll start bombing abortion clinics to stand for you know a right to life. folks gots to die for babies to be born and forgotten and become future crack heads, and homeless, and murderers. god bless us every one.

amen

p.s. if the second coming of christ is aborted does he rise three days later as a premature fetus? if so i'm totally down with that savior, and i will follow him into the womb of aborted heaven. yay!

um....question

so needless to say on this little excursion i've had a lot of me time. that has translated into a lot of reading. most of the former has had to do with the misadventures of a certain red dog and a family of jewish bears(think hard). and being the analytical cat that i am this had me thinking. first, do jewish bears have to abide be dietary laws? if so obviously pigs are out. but can they eat cows? i mean wouldn't that be mixing milk and meat plates. i'm just trying to clear it up because these bears need to know they're hungry man.

holla

can we say comeback

so all of you can rest easy tonight. duran duran is back at it. they have a single making heavy rotations on mtv and the radio here. it's no rio but what can you do. i am stoked to see that true musicians are back on the scene to show all these 80's rip offs what's what. i mean they are freaking duran fucking duran. and it's cool because of the miracle of plastic surgery they have not aged. actually i think they may have cryogenically frozen. and how, this is awesome so break out the slap braclets and get ready for the real 80's comeback. they also exhumed ronald reagan and he is working on super crack so get ready for crime to come back too. when reached for comment reagan said, " white heaven is great, but i really felt like black people were making to many advancements, so i'm back to bring them back down to where they belong. did you guys hear that duran duran is back? hell yeah!" oh that ronald he's a dreamer.

television

so tv here is pretty much the same as it is everywhere...total crap. however they do one things that wouldn't really fly in conservative christian america. almost every show no matter what the content either has staple or rotating bikini clad dancers that do routines to the hit song du jour. the first time it really struck me as odd was on the sunday soccer show. there are so many games on sunday that don't pick one and show it they just ten dudes to sit around and talk about what's going on. it's like radio on the tv. whenever they go to commercial they haul out the softcore porn and the dancing starts. woowee. they are also on every game show. usually they have two who are always there and believe that vanna white doesn't have shiton these ladies. my personal favorite however is the italian answer to dateline or 20/20. there are two different ones on the two major channels. they are both hosted by that channels comedy duo. the first one has the equivalent of chevy chase and steve martin hosting a show now, you just wish it had happened 20 years ago because it isn't all the way there. it does however have the sexy dancers. the other one, the show i usually watch when i get done with work, is hosted by some younger comedians who are really funny. they're cohost is a young wife of a famous soccer player. so you'll have some slapstick then they throw it to sub hosts. who end up doing these fairly scathing political exposes. they've busted underground drug rings, and soccer payoffs. they also went to some red carpet event and begged all the stars to give them haircuts. when it really gets great is when the go back to the main host and the show turns into a mock benny hill. the hostess will do a dance routine which usually involves clothes going on temporary vacations. of course one of the sub host will run and snatch said clothing and the chase is on. silly music and a overzealous use of blue screen make these bits pretty ridiculous. they can be on the great wall and jump off and land in times square, which i'm pretty sure would hurt your feet and you could not continue to run. the hostage clothing is always returned and there is a severe scolding handed out. which in turn is followed by another celbratory dance routine. i guess all i can really say about this is someone needs to get katie couric in on this, maybe everyone would stop hating her.

one

food

so i had a pretty killer meal last night. tomato rissotto with caviar. seared sea bass with olives and tomato veloute. i got adventurous at dessert and ordered a garlic pastry cream ravioli with basil and vanilla gelato. it was good, but it could of done without the garlic. that really has no place in sweet land and that's real.

one

p.s. it is cold here and that is cool

9mm goes bang

so imagine that you are from the states and living abroad in europe. now imagine that some disillusioned teen in your home country goes to school and wets up some fools for no good reason. the next day you walk into work and first all of your coworkers berate you becasue of your countries gun laws. then they all start laughing at the fact that this kid couldn't handle his problems with fists so he had to shoot people like a pussy. what do you do? you laugh because it is kind of funny but then you realize that they are kind of laughing at you because this is an american phenomonon. so then you just keep quiet because you remember that you don't give a shit because people get shot by idiots everyday and that's just the way it is.

one

p.s. when did straight up fist fights go out of style?

yeeha

so i've got two things to address. first, why hasn't the half pint made it into the states. it is absolutely brilliant. only have a 15 minute break have a half pint. just got done calling for dinosaurs after too many whiskeys and you need to wash the taste of burn and acid out of your mouth and not look like a bitch; have a half pint. bars here and all over europe have this amazing phenomon that i want to be able to have all the time. it is brilliant. secondly, i had the half german walk up to me and sing david hasselhof to me like it was the new shit and i was on the outside looking in. i told him to check into slap braclets and tight rolled pants too because those were big in the time that he is apparantly still living in. i guess it is true that europe in 20 years behind in pop culture which is wierd. wait till they discover the rubix cube they are going to shit themselves.

one

response

for those who are interested yes americano coffee. there i said it.

aaaaggggghhhhhh

so look i love espresso. it's the legal crack of the free world. but i need a cup of fuckong coffee. you can't get it here. it is driving me insane. i like to sit and enjoy my coffee, not take a shot and feel like i got robbed. and as anything goes one won't do it anymore. it's like i started at nickel rocks and now it takes at least 20 dollars wort to get my rocks off. and how the hell do you sit and enjoy an espresso; you can't sip it because there are only two sips. i know this is a small problem in the grand scheme of things, but i want some goddamn coffee. i never thought i would say this but right now i wish i was in france.

one
braxton

food yay

so on cool thing about restaurants in europe is they all have family meal. this is basically before service everyone sits down, eats, and relaxs. it is awesome because you get to eat all the local favorite foods. i've already touched on the fact that they eat all parts of the animal here. i love tripe and in america you can really only get it in authentic taquerias and vietnamese restaurants. however; this is some shanty knock off tripe. the stew we had of beans, celery, peppers, onions, vegetable broth and tomato, with tripe was amazing. they were thick long strips opposed to the small spongey stuff i'm used too. so once again europe is really beating us in this whole wheres the better food contest. catch up bitches.

one

p.s. on a scale of 1 to southern italian fried chicken gets a maryland

the opposite of cool

so i've had too wierd cultural experiences whilst i was abroad. the first was trying to explain the death penalty and why some states had it and some did not. and even though i'm from alabama that i don't support it but i can't get rid of it because of jesus or something. the second happened at a bad last night where some guy had a 'trap or die' shirt on. it was fun to explain why folks refer to the ghetto as the trap then i got to explain the crack epidemic and why ronald reagan is one of the biggest jackasses in history. i pretty sure a lot of it did not get conveyed. on the up side there is very little crack here so i need like five soldiers and we can take over the crack scene in italy and bring down the europe, onward reaganites.

one

there is magic everywhere

let me just say that the smallest things can set off big thoughts(see butterfly and monsoon). so yesterday was my day off and converged on the streets in search of nourishment. i stopped at a little trattoria and had the most awesome clam spaghetti with blistered tomatoes, basil, and caramelized onions. add one glass of red wine, beautiful weather and you have the remergence of my passion. i had been feeling down because i've been working crazy style and haven't had the time go out and expereince the land in the last week. but one good meal a little hash and i'm back in the game and remembering why i came over in the first place. anyway things are real and i'm keeping my zeal so you guys get up, get out, and get inspired.

one

whoa whoa whoa blossom

let me clear something up. those were instructions for how to be italian, i have no white pants and never will. secondly i could rap in white pants or no pants because i am the dopest mc on the planet. thirdly i just saw a gypsy with no legs and only one hand so if you think you have it bad shut up.

one

p.s. wal-mart went bankrupt in germany score one for the little guy

hi i'm still alive

so it has been a long time and should not have left you without some dope lines to read to. so here we go. things are going well in the old italia. i'm working my face off(really i've become one of the faceless millions). which is good because my dowry has become very handsome and i'm hoping to work my way into an arranged marriage society and really some up in the 08. my eating has been minimal, but i did have donkey tartar. these are your not ordinary work donkies, no no these are special eating donkies that lounge around all day in smoking jackets and smoke cigarettes and swizel brandy and talk about society and politics. then in the middle of the night the farmer comes and slits their throat like chuck norris in the night sells the meat and buys more star trek collectables(he is kind of a nerd). then the restaurant takes the meat chops it adds capers, shallots, oil, dijon mustard, egg yolk, salt and pepper and other seasonings and serves it with bread arugula and a poached quail egg. all of this equals delicious for the mathematicians in the house who entering all this into their calculators. anyways, other than that things are good and i'm pretty much italian now. my white jeans and leather shoes are in the process of being sent to me; and i have learned how to stare rudely at girls and be extraordinarially loud about nothing.

one

talking to a peachy peach about a fishy fish

so lets to talk seafoodd because there is alot of it here. the place i'm working at is covered with it an to be perfectly honest i think it is delicious. so the main dish i'm in love with is the seared bass. it has olive oil mashed potatoes, a saute of capers and tomatoes, and a fish fumet cream sauce with clams(booyah). there is also a seared tuna with wilted spinach purple poato chips and whole grain mustard beef stock sauce that is rich but awsome. the seafood ristotto with nut crusted seared prawns, sauted shrimp, mussels and pesto is worth having at least five times. overall italians love fish. it has been all over every menu at every cafe i've gone too. the best place in town is seafood only(i plan on going there it si just very expensive). so get on the boat because even though the ocean scares the bejeesus out of me i love what it has to offer.

swim

p.s. someone tell greenday that can sing about working class heros when they shed their make-up and give all thier money away.

p.p.s music to kick in europe by:

hot water music & alkaline trio split
brother ali & bk one mixtape
aesop rock - 'coffee', 'numb to the guns', 'night light'
minor threat - 'out of step'
high on fire- 'razor hoof'
t.i. - 'you know what it is'
ghostface killah - 'fishscale'

C.R.E.A.M.

Canard rules everything around me get the liver... foie foie foie gras ya'll. so this is technically a food blog(and secretly an outlet for my depression, lonliness, and self absorption) i guess i should tell you a little about the restaurant that i work at. first, it's the shit! the food is awesome and the chef has the focus of a buddhist monk and when bothered with trivial things like ticket times he shrugs his shoulders and keps moving at whatever pace he feels necessary(i.e. awesome). the first thing i have to talk about is the foie gras that is raining from the sky on the menu. we have this dish that is a small greens salad tossed with olive oil and carrots, celery, and zucchini ribbons. on top of that is quickly sauted rabbit loin; but the kicker, the crown, the coup d'eta is the house smoked paper thin sliced foie gras that is ever so carefully placed on; and when it hits the heat it melts and becomes something so incredably delictable that i creamed my jeans and salivated in my mouth. just to sweeten the deal around the plate is a vinagrette of balsalmico, olive oil, melon and strawberry gelee that give it the just enough sweetness to be one of the best things i've ever eaten. on top of that is foie gras two ways: a foie gras terrineand sauteed foie gras with beef sugo, with a port sauce and roasted and bruleed fig(booyah!). the other new thing i've run into is a percolater. this is a machine that keeps water moving at a certain temperature for whatever amount of time. so we take any meat(in this case veal cheeks) place them in an a sealed bag and let them cook for about 4 hours. now this is something i use to be againse and i'm not fully converted. the tenderness is pretty amazing but it lacks the flavor of a good old fashioned braise. however; to make up for that it placed on top of potato puree, seard polenta cakes, and surrounded by beef demiglace and beef tounge meat and that makes up for a lot of lose flavor. in short the food i'm making is amazing(as a 2 star michelin restaurant) should be and i'm learning a lot. i'll keep you posted on food epiphanies and continue to bore with the stupid thoughts in my head.

peace

p.s. george michael and robbie williams are still very cool here.

question

so i have to unleash this thought somewhere and no one that i work with understood what i was talking about. the red hot chili peppers are very popular here and i hear them on the radio pretty much everyday. sometimes late at night i find myself imaging what the classic rock and oldies stations will play when i am bit older and i have come to this conclusion. the red hot chili peppers are the aerosmith of our generation. now i don't say this with excitement because aerosmith is my second worst band of al time second only to the eagles or fleetwood mac dependent on the day. so i guess what i'm asking is does anyone agree. i mean look at it they are almost 20 years strong(the chili peppers that is) and everytime they release an album it gets less and less rock and more and more pussy ballad stuff. compare slowride to pink and bloodsexsugarmagic to whatever that crap single is that is out now. both bands have endured some random hardship and niether will die. the only difference is flea, he's the x factor and i only asy that because he was in the big lebowski and it was nothing short of brilliant. anyway, i had to let it out because all the guys i work with had to say was how awesome both bansd were and realized that i may trapped in my own peronal musical hell.

una

yo

so let me explaina difference in america and europe to all you folks(even though there are probably only two of you). all countries have their version of the late night eating spot. in the U.S. we have our mediterraean places and diners, which i hold a special place in my heart for and by no reason am i trying to bring thier reputation down. however; across the bathtub in italy they also have their late night spot. it's called a piadinerie. a piadine for those who don't know is a thin pizza folded in half like a sandwich. the great thing is from about noon till about 4 in the morn you can get one. and this is not some greasy drunk food to combat a looming hangover or overfill yuor stomach after too many bong rips; no this is daily made pizza dough filled with amazing trimmings. the one i had a couple of nights at 2 in the morning after some delicious pints had mozzorela from less than 10 miles away, tomatoes so fresh even alabamians have to say 'goddamn', fresh ham made in house, and basil; and the kicker was it was served to me by some 50 year old grandmother puffing cigarettes and making me look like a greenhorn in the kitchen. the experience does no end there because after that you stand around outsidde and the eurotrash are gathering like zombies in the thriller video, and once fed they kick into full gear. there are hands swinging and folks yelling it truly is amazing. so while i love a good texas cheese steak i may just had one of the best food experiences of my life and it only cost 5 dollars.

uno

Pronto Pronto

it has been a bumpy start guys. the genuises at alitalia lost my baggage and it has yet to turn up. the only upside to that is i got to buy some awesome eurotrash clothing, once it arrives though it will be good because i will be able to load some of the amzing photos i've taken. anyways, the food is amzing. i started the trip with an awesome meal at balthazar in new york. we had some brandade, oysters, mussels, beef stroganoff, and macaroni gratin. the food accross the drink is even better. i crowned the trip with lardo as soon as i arrived in milan. other than that i've had the usual fair of pizza and pasta; oddly enough here both were better than olive garden and pizza hut combined...i don't know that's crazy. today was cool because i got to see a live eel have it skin peeled off which was bad for the eel good for the hungry. i've got to run work does not get dome by cooks writing things for strangers.ù

uno

believe in the narwahl

About damn time

so my trip starts tomorrow and i've got to say i'm excited. however, there are more important matters at hand. all of you need to go buy this months' national geographic. there is an in depth article about narwahals the most magical creature on the planet. it is a whale with a unicorn's horn. food and eurotrash are cool, but nothing is cooler than a narwhal and that's gods truth. anyway, expect more stuff about food after this believe in the narwhal.

-one

hello to all

this is just a welcome note i guess. in a little less than a month i am moving to italy. i'm going to cook because that is what i do and it seemed smart to not change careers when i changed countries. either way this is just going to be fodder, a way to let someone know what i'm eating, what i'm doing, and keep tabs on italian euro-trash. bare with me because it will be slow at first but i hope something interesting happens so the whole blog doesn't suck.

stay real