holla

so it has been a crazy couple of weeks. france, amsterdam, italy, uganda(oh shit). i don't know not much to say other than i am hung over and i will be home monday. bottega prepare for me to show up on time, do my job, and be polite to everyone; go home and be a hermit. that's it florence is still the coolest place ever and limoncello don't play.

see you fools in 48 hours like eddie murphy

on the loose like aids

so i left desenzano this morn for a couple weeks of vacay. for the first time in monthes it is warm and t-shirt weather. i guess i've got good timing. right now i'm killing the 10 hours i have until my train leaves for paris; so i am wandering around milan. i stopped to pick up a newspaper and i guess that fact that it was an english one tipped me off as a non-italian. the dude asked me if i was american i of course responded yes by default and he thanked me for the ramones, whom he happened to blaring out of his radio. that is probably actually definately the coolest thank you i have ever gotten. though i am not responsible for the ramones badassness i do dig them so i told him he was welcome. so i guess the next time i hit you i will be on more foriegn soil i'll let you know what happens.

p.s. if you had any doubts about out slipping world power i have seen more asians today than italians so i guess you could say they are taking over

in my face

so i praise america for it's freedom and she sucker punches me in the throat. after i left the internet point yesterday i picked up a newspaper. second page side column and booyah. less than half of american teenagers in a national pole could answer simple questions like: when was the civil war fought? or said colombus landed in the states after 1750 etc. etc. way to go. yeah we have the most nuclear footballs so to quote nasty nas "fools don't want beef they vegetarian", but we can't add 2 and 2 so we end blowing ourselves up. i don't really have anything to say about this except if you've got a kid educate the drain on society. this is embarassing.

meat

so yesterday was my last wednesday in desenzano a.k.a my last day off. it was cool becasue one of the guys i work with took me to a friends house for diner. i was introduced to a local dish called spiedo. basically you get a rotiesserie with four prongs; some sage; and veal, chicken legs, a whole rabbit, fatty bacon, and pork ribs. put each one on the skewer one a time with season and sage leaf in between. cook it for 5 hours slathering butter and fat on it every 30 minutes or so; boil some potaotes and booyah. add in about 6 bottles of wine more cheese than you can shake a stick at(what the hell does that mean?) and kill it with 12 loud italian people and the 2 top soccer teams playing on the boob tube and woweey it is amazing.

on a not as cool note i've now had something bad happen 3 times to me. it has really made me apperciate america sense those of you who know me are aware that i am not afraid to bash my homeland. over 7 monthes i have been stopped 3 times by police and shaken down for about 30 minutes for no reason. literally walking to the laundromat(al three time) doing nothing and listening to music. yesterday it happened again and it was the worst so far. i had my ipod and the yanni was cranked so loud i didn't hear this cop calling me. he ran up behind me and grabbed me pretty forcefully and really scared the poop out of me. i turned quickly and guess that threw him off guard so he got in my face. now, my italain has gotten pretty good but a combination of the speed and the accent this guy spoke with i could not understand a thing. i asked him to slow down and told him i was american and this made it worse. "why are you here?", "where are you going?" bullshit shake down and 30 minuteds late he threw my passport at me and told me to beat rudely. i've dealt with my fair share of cops and when i was 15 i was all about talking shit and pushing back becasue i knew i hadn't done anything wrong. as i've gotten older i have learned it is in my best interest just be polite as i was in theis situation, especially because i don't know the laws or my rights here. what was funny about it is it made miss the freedoms that george bush doesn't understand but is so diligent in "defending". if yuor white and not on crack and reding this you probably don0t understand. if your black your with me. being stopped for no reason, then being yelled at, then because you've done nothing wrong being told to "get the fuck out of here" is ridiculous. it was the same as being sat down at linn park on sunday afternoon and being told i was a piece of shit because i rode a skateboard and wore a black t-shirt(all of you whom have ever commented on my affinity to black clothing may realize why it tend to bother me) and i just didn't like it. overall this is a great country and i have no complaints, but the power of the police is a scary thing. while i've ben here there have been people killed and beaten by police and that is never acceptable unless it is the most extreme measures. i'm not changing my opinion on my country or our police i think the later are especially bad; but most folks should realize we have it pretty good. there are problems but at least can't gun you down for no reason(unless you're black and under 25). it is the one thing i look forward to being back around; however as the great ice cube once said"fuck the police!"

-you can only appreciate the freedoms you have when they are abused by those who are sworn to protect them.- i said that mofos

blah

-fog won't go away
-it refuses to get warm but playfully teases
-so chick in the laundromat demanded i get my clothes out of a drier becasue she added money and pressed the wrong button despite the fact i wasn't finished. she yelled i laughed and her husband looked like he wanted to kill himself
-only have 3 days in desenzano then i'm on vacay and i'm excited.
-stoked about coming home to my girlfirend, friends, and family
-unstoked about my home being birmingham
-considering moving to iceland not learning the language, writing an amazing novel, then following john kennedy toole to paradise and securing my self into literary fame 30 yearss from now
-scratch the above i got shit to do

think about it

"the hero of today becomes the tyrant of tomorrow unless he crucifies himself today." - joseph campbell

i've been rereading the hero with a thousand faces, this quote really grabbed me. if you've never read this book do, if you don't want to at least think about the above statement

beware

so today is wierd. desenzano has fog pretty regularly but today it has gotten thicker as the day goes on. you can only see about 3 meters in front of you and it sucks. what makes it worse is shapes appear and move jerkily resembling ZOMBIES!!!! if there was ever a day for the walking dead to roam the earth this is it. zombies are my only fear in life so as you can imagine i am freaking out. i have already stored a butchers knife close to my bed and packed water and food. get ready folks this is it. for those who survive i will see you at sea because that is the only place where we will be safe.

do not sleep and get up some stairs if you have a shotgun load it this is not a test.

can't fool me

so one thing that i have grown pretty accustomed to is the afternoon drink phenomon or apertif trend here. the idea is you may eat at sometime during the evening so you'd beter be hungry and certain liquors help with that so gulp, gulp drink up. yay!!! the usual suspects are campari and aperol. now i ain't been around the world but i've been around the block; i haven't tasted everything but i've tasted campari and it sucks. so i usually opt for an aperol spritzer(aperol, white wine, soda water, and slice of orange). at first i drank them out of kindness for the people that ordered them for me, but now i have grown to enjoy the taste of musk. this is the ebst way i can describe this drink. the real genius however, is in the low alchohol content so it takes a few to really get buzzing. this is the reason that most euros can drink with every meal becasue unlike american alcoholists that opt for whiskey, scotch, listerine, rubbing alcohol, or everclear these guys take the slow approach and mount a crescendoing dunk that peaks around 10 in the evening and results in sleep so you can get up early and start the espresso, nicotine rush that is europe[fun fact cancer does not exist here]. so when i return and you see me sipping a spritzer or god forbid a campari and soda don't make fun; i'll be asleep by 10 with no hangover and you'll be looking for a fix at 2 in the morn at the nick with a bud headache. genius, brilliant!!!!!

be easy

cocaine is really cool and the sole reason that i work in restaurants eventhough i have never done it i'm really into what it does to peoples future; destroy it.
"drugs are the gateway to fun and flat lifelines."-sage francis

1950

so i was thinking about that riddle when a kid and a da get in a carwreck and when they arrive at the hospital the doctor can't operate becasue as stated "this is my son". i'm not usually one to tout about these kind of things but how sexist is this riddle. the doctor turns put to be his mother...suprise! oh my god a woman doctor that is just hogwash. i can just see some white assholes smoking cigars and thinking real hard about this riddle and coming up with nothing; and when they get the answer all laughing and one saying, "yeah and net year we'll have a negro for president!" hahahahahahaha. i don't know why this bothers me but it does. of course the updated y2k california/new hampshire answer is the doctor was also his father because he was adopted by a gay couple. yeah like gay people can be parents they can't even love right. [this is the logic we are dealing with.] the really sad part is there are still a majority of people that agree with all of this nonsense. that is worldwide too so the only escape is death yeehah. what's worse about that is if religious people are right there is eternity. boo! i'm 24 and tired i can't even imagine eternity that would suck, especially if jerry falwell is here so i am really hoping that i am right.

guess which way my thumb is pointed in response to heaven?

is this possible

so i am out of books and the newspaper depresses me too much to read. the only magazines you can get in english over here are music zines and i am tired of radiohead reviews(yes they are very good, and yes the new album is awesome give it a rest.), so i have turned elsewhere. the makers of the source have released hip hop weekly. it is fodder but it enertains and feeds one of my not so secret obsessions: LIL WAYNE weezy f. baby the greatest rapper alive. now i don't agree with that statement(see aesop rock, nas, and guru) but he is most definately enertaining. on top of being quick witted and dope he is also a complete moron who says some of the dumbest things ever got ont tape. case and point "turn on the tv ma i'm fromthe murder capitol of the u.s. where we kill for real. i got 4 tear drops on my face[something gangmembers and prisoners do when they have killed someone]. the day i got my first one i called my mama and asked if i could get it but i lied. i had already got it. she said 'yeah but come round here so i can see it i was thinking about getting one myself.' i kill you, your mama, your sister a baby i don't give a fuck. i could never go to hell i take over the bitch." brilliance if i do say so myself. the hottest rapper on the market is admitting to murder and that is helping him sale records. oh mainstream rap is so amazing. i'm going to make my own music genre wher i live in fantasy too. instead of yachts, cars, and money; i am gong to talk about how i ride unicorns and eat rainbows and kick it with the sun. everyone on acid is my crew

kick i roll one horn before the album drop and eat rainbows because the shiite be hot. no muslim but i will slay you with a lighting bolt handed over by zeus i'm the truth don't even record in a booth i use the river and they produce my sound to your cities and towns i'm global and the there is no hope for all you sucka mogols, your money don't touch my power over space without a trace is how i will exit this place like jesus no corpse and no bones i 'm prone to rock the tric three wheels casue i'm different from ya'll so you ball and i will call shiva to destroy ya booyah can step to the madness and all you spit is sadness and defunct is how i'll leave so please back up to get punched with my mind i'll pry you brain out and sell it for rent i'm bent on hermitism never see me in the heater becasue i don't represent it so if you want it gotta find me i'm out like salinger no bukowski holla

is this potato leavened

so let me broach two completely unrelated subjects. 1st: for a long time i have been an anti jerusalem artichoke advocate. i don't care for the taste of burning styrofoam and this vegetable always seemed one of those food nerd things that is not actually good but all the snobs act like if you don't eat it you are an idiot. that being said i have encountered a different strain of jew choke. over italia way they are purple and not cream colored and have a sweet taste with a bit of starch and make a damn good chip as well as puree. so i guess i'm backing off my stance but i will not be eating the plastic flavored cream variety i don't care if it makes me a philistine. that would make me a giant anyway and i will crush all naysayers.
2nd: i can't say how stoked i am to be missing most of the electoral process in america. i hear enough here to make my want to take the kurt cobain exit strategy. however, it is funny because now there is an election here. it is better because there is only a 2 - 3 month window of campaigning; this is true for most of europe. no 2 years of hillary(please make it stop), or huckabee(seriously this dude does not believe in dinosaurs!). i guess what i'm getting at is it is nice to have a more laid back approach to the process, it helps the disillusionment factor. it is only febuary and i already don't care who wins the presidency because nothing will change. if hillary wins i'm moving, if a republican wins i'm moving. i'm over trying to save america beacause it does not want to be helped. so godbless india because that's where i am going. hello sagwala booyeah!

a tisket a tasket all presidential canidates are out for the cash kid

shout out to lavanda

so i would like to drop a few shout outs to people and things that are on my do not smash list:

notorious j.i.m. joyce and ernie hemingway for inspring and keeping me depressed
air for existing without it i would be all choked up literally
cb ukowski for being the dopest mofo on the planet (r.i.p)
god for not talking to me and making me a profit
cows and pigs for tasting good
aids and crack for keeping poor people where they should be
buster
mavis
r.i.p beppy
apple juice
and last but not least may of 1983 for being sensual enough to get me conceived oh yeah

two for the price of one

so i was on the train yesterday going to a friends house. we stopped at a station and i was staring out the window. i noticed a girl, who actually thought was a dude at first, with normal meidum length hair to the bottom of her ears. suddenly she turned and i realized that the other side of her head had very short little boy hair. this reminded of the hipster i saw in new york a few monthes back in soho. why have only one hair cut when you could have two.[ i would use a question mark but apparantly that button does not work on this keyboard]. i mean two haircuts is awesome. think two face meets brooklyn emo kid a.k.a. totally badass!!!! anyway it made decide when i get back and decide to get a haircut, i have not had one in 6 monthes, i am getting 4. one for each quarter of my head. i am uping the anty. so if you guys want to be in on the badest new trend since pink and headbands get down with the get down at headstart.

dreadmullets f-ing rule

um

so i need verification of a rumor i've heard. we all know that is seems franch leader sarkozy is going to marry former super model carla bruni. i got no problem with that. he's a bachelor and a level headed dude. now; however, i've heard that hugo chavez is dating naomi cambell. come the f on. that is ridiculous. at least get a putin or a brown, someone with some respect. not a castro want-a-be. i mean if you're naomi cambell date castro for petes' sake. whatever i just thought it was wierd.

prepare to poop your pants.

so this is a true story. at the restaurant i'm at we have a bicycle. it is for folks like me with no means of transportation. the japanese kid i work with and i share it. about a week ago he forgot to lock it and it wound up getting stolen. the boss was upset but stoked that his much more exspensive bike that was right next to it did not get stolen. anyways i digress. a couple days afterwards the jap had to go to the train station to meet a friend. low and behold there was the bike. he decided to wait around since he had back up and confront the guy. the dude showed up and it was on, kind of. the jap asked where he got the bike and the guy got all wierd. then he said all he wanted was to get the bike back and there would be no trouble. instead of being a jerk or just saying it was his bike and leaving the dude broke down and a apologized. he had cut our lock off the put his own and he gave the jap 10 euros to buy a new one. i would make all sorts of comments about this except i think this was a once in a lifetime deal. totally amazing. anyways, next time something turns up stole go to the train station

peace be with ye and godspeed

mind your butt

so i was just informed it is snowing in baghdad. apparantly this is the first time this has happened. if you are a biblical scholar like me then you know what this means. it is the coming of god's back up plan the armagaydon. unlike that stupid rapture that happens so quickly this chokes man out. what happens is everyone turns gay but no one likes it. so, we are all gettin pounded prison style with no joy and no babies. slowly but surely man dies out. the kicker already gay people get to be pitcher so all you none gay lovers get ready.

night night keep your butthole tight

hello

so firstly let me address one thing. i do not hate grammar. i am perfectly capable of writing in well thought out and executed form. that being said grammar and spelling on a blog is for people who are in the comfort of their own home; not for people wedged into a western union back room with 8 other people one of which is lookng at porn(right now!) and want to write what they have to as quickly as possible. all of you understand what i am talking about for the most part except for the rants and even i don't understand those. so if all of this is too difficult to understand, understand this you suck.
on to more important things. i spent the holidays gallanting about italy with some friends and my galpal. we saw some stuff to say the least. there was one meal in particular that i feel i need to share with all of you. it was in florence. i have to pause to send a shoutout to ben l. preston esquire for suggesting we eat there. the joint was called the cibreo caffe. they had a ristorante as well which we ate at but the caffe was super special. we entered the place to find 6 or 7 tables and a not so full restaurant. we were greeted with a glass of prosecco and a warm atmosphere. once we were sat the waiter(the only waiter) whom we dubbed "velvet coat" for his style prefrences came by and informed us there was no menu and proceeded to pull up a chair and describe the night's menu dish by dish. this was only after having broken and american restaurant rule by byway of a hand motion letting one of our guest know not to be looking at thier camera because it was food time and there was nothing else important. booyah restarant courtesy. on a side note at the ristorante the following night i had my hand slapped by our waiter when i tried to retrieve a fallen fork with no thought of an apology. so once we had placed our order the magic began. we were brought an array of amuse bouche that were dubbed "gifts from the chef". these consisted of a potato and ricotta flan, and chicken liver mouse crostini, oil cured carrots and peppers, a spicy tripe salad, and tomtato aspic that moonlighted as the butter for the bread. from the getgo i knew i was in for something special because all of these things were delicious. first course took its lazy time but arrived to rave reviews. we had a potato, spinach, and ricotta flan; pasta of bread crumbs and parmasean cheese in a rich chicken broth; the best polenta i've ever had that was served topped with a crisp hat of cheese; then the waiter gave us a traditonal tuscan dish of minestrone blended with bread and server warm(and by gave i mean we did not order and he brought it and told us we had to try it). all of this was amazing and what i liked most was it was not scalding hot. no one i know eats food and sun temperature so to have properly warm food serve was a welcome change from normal restaurant fare. so then it was the main course gala. the dishes were there with bells on and my stomach was decorated to the nines with anticipation. we had chicken and ricotta cheese meatballs witha light tomato sauce, a pork sausage "cassoulet", a cold veal terrine with pistachios and lemon mayonaise, breaded veal shops with heavy tomato sauce served cold(i was thinking of cliff lawler while i ate colf food brotherhood), and another dish on the house a stuffed chicken neck with veal and ricotta cheese mousse with lemon mayonaise and the head of the chicken as decoration. at this point i considered suicide becasue i knew this a meal never to be topped. how many places can you go in the world where on your first visit the waiter/manager says "thanks fo showing up have two whole free dishes on the house"; oh velvet coat you may have made me gay. so then we were allowed ample time for the food to digest and to finish the bottle of brunello we had and this was nice. i felt like going al bundy and unbuttoning my pants and sticking my hands in finger deep and kicking back; but before i could get the louis vutton belt undone it was dessert time. this time the gratis course was a round of vin santo dessert wine. the dishes were a vanilla mouse with strawberry sauce, a cheesecake with orange marmalade, the most amazing chocoalte pudding(my lady does not like chocolate and i am pretty sure she is preganant with this mousses' child), and a flourless chocolate cake. we finished the meal off with a round of espresso and cappucino and were stoked. and as if the anty had not been raised too much on the way out the door we were each couple given a jar ofhousemade jelly to take home and remember the good times with. on top of all this the following night when we ate at the ristorante which was across the street velvet coat invited us back to the caffe for prosecco and grappa and would not let us pay him for it because "we had given him too big of a tip the night before". this is the sound of me swooning, aaaahhhhhhh. if you are ever in florence go to this place and if you don't like it slap yourself in the face.

velvet coat will you marry me?

p.s. added bonus the chef of these restaurants was the younger brother of zeus-ask ben